You Can’t Fix What You Don’t Know

How Lack of Knowledge and Understanding of Coercive Control Strands Victims and Undermines Legislation

Introduction: The Challenge of Recognizing Coercive Control

It’s nearly impossible to name what you can’t see, and resisting what you don’t understand is even harder. For countless survivors of narcissistic abuse and coercive control, the turning point isn’t simply leaving—it’s the “aha moment” when they finally recognize the pattern of psychological manipulation behind their suffering. According to research by Stark (2012), many victims remain trapped for years, misinterpreting abuse as normal relationship conflict or personal deficiency. This confusion isn’t just the result of their abusers; it’s compounded by the shortcomings of the very institutions meant to protect them. Without knowledge, victims can’t advocate for themselves, and institutions often fail to offer meaningful support. Understanding this dynamic is essential for reclaiming lives and reforming systems.

Personal Experience: Realization and Empowerment Through Knowledge

For years, I felt powerless to change my life or make the right decisions. The shift only happened when I learned about psychological abuse and its tactics. Once I had the words to describe my experience, I could finally seek targeted help. This isn’t just my story—studies show that survivors who gain a clear understanding of coercive control are more likely to access effective support and resources (Herman, 2015). Knowledge is power, but unfortunately, many of the institutions that claim to want to help us perpetuate ignorance, keeping victims dependent and disempowered.

The Role of Institutions: How Lack of Training Leads to Misdiagnosis

Before I learned about gaslighting, I often thought I was losing my mind. It wasn’t until I understood how abusers distort reality that I could defend myself. My experience is common: a 2018 survey by the National Domestic Violence Hotline found that 73% of respondents didn’t realize they were being abused until someone explained the concept to them.

One pivotal moment for me was telling my doctor, “No thank you,” to anti-anxiety medication, and instead requesting a medical leave letter to access trauma therapy. My doctor never asked about my history or symptoms of Complex PTSD (C-PTSD). This isn’t an isolated issue. A 2017 study published in the Journal of Trauma & Dissociation found that fewer than 30% of primary care providers felt comfortable identifying trauma-related symptoms, often defaulting to prescriptions for depression or anxiety instead of exploring root causes. When healthcare professionals lack trauma-informed training, misdiagnosis and inadequate care become the norm.

Systemic Issues: Financial Incentives and Lack of Trauma-Informed Care

Why do these patterns persist? It’s not just a lack of awareness—it’s systemic. The pharmaceutical industry, for example, generated over $14 billion in antidepressant sales in the U.S. in 2022 alone (Statista, 2023). Institutions profit when patients remain reliant on medication, rather than receiving trauma-informed care that could empower them to heal. In legal settings, custody disputes and divorce proceedings often weaponize mental health records; parents seeking help are sometimes portrayed as unstable, while the underlying abuse goes unaddressed. The system’s financial incentives align with maintaining ignorance rather than fostering real recovery.

This cycle is perpetuated by a lack of basic trauma education. Instead of communities offering support, victims are funneled into institutions that profit from their confusion and dependence. The link between financial gain and institutional ignorance is rarely discussed, but it’s a crucial component of why so many survivors remain trapped.

Legal System Gaps: The Knowledge Gap Among Professionals

Laws protecting against coercive control look promising on paper, but often fail in practice. The main reason is a “knowledge gap”—lawyers, judges, and even therapists lack the training to recognize the signs of psychological abuse. According to the American Bar Association (2021), fewer than 15% of family law professionals receive any formal education on coercive control. This is like handing someone a map in a language they can’t read. Even well-intentioned professionals may miss critical signs, leaving victims unsupported and abusers unchecked.

Why aren’t legal professionals mandated to learn about this issue? The absence of compulsory training perpetuates institutional blindness, making legislation ineffective and leaving survivors stranded. Bridging this gap is essential for real change.

The Power of Awareness: How Education Enables Healing and Systemic Change

Until survivors experience that transformative “aha moment”—the one that provides knowledge, language, and clarity—the system will continue to fail them. Legislation and institutional policies are only as effective as the understanding behind them. Change starts with awareness, both for individuals and for the professionals who serve them.

If you’re reading this and wondering if your struggles are more than just a difficult relationship, know that you’re not alone. Education is power. The more we talk about coercive control, the better equipped we are to demand trauma-informed care from our medical, legal, and therapeutic systems. You can’t fix what you don’t know, but once you do, you can heal—and help change the system for others, too.

Conclusion: Encouragement and Call to Action

Recognizing and naming coercive control is the first step toward reclaiming your life. Survivors and advocates must continue to push for better training, more trauma-informed care, and institutional accountability. Let’s keep raising awareness—because with knowledge comes the power to heal, and with healing comes the possibility of real reform.

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